All relationships, especially romantic ones, are a continuous balancing act between “because of” and “in spite of”.
I love him because he always calls me to tell me he loves me when he’s away on business. I love her because she loves football as much as I do. I love him because he always remembers to pick up my favorite cupcakes at the bakery across from his office. I love him in spite of the fact that he never remembers my birthday. I love her in spite of the fact that she can’t cook. I love him in spite of the fact that his table manners are atrocious.
These are of course very benign examples, but they illustrate a point. Your “because of” list should far outweigh your “in spite of” list – both in quantity and quality. Every once in a while we all need to do a relationship inventory to see if our relationships are “out of balance” in the bad way.
Improving your relationship is like improving anything in life – being able to measure what quality is and what it is not should be one of the first steps. If you can’t measure something, you can’t improve it.
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