When was the last time you did an evaluation on the status of your relationships? Are all of your relationships healthy ones? Is there room for improvement?
All relationships, especially romantic ones, are a continuous balancing act between “because of” and “in spite of”.
I love him because he always calls me to tell me he loves me when he’s away on business. I love her because she loves football as much as I do. I love him because he always remembers to pick up my favorite cupcakes at the bakery across from his office.
I love him in spite of the fact that he never remembers my birthday. I love her in spite of the fact that she can’t cook. I love him in spite of the fact that his table manners are atrocious.
These are of course very benign examples, but they illustrate a point. Your “because of” list should far outweigh your “in spite of” list – both in quantity and quality. Every once in a while we all need to do a relationship inventory to see if our relationships are “out of balance” in the bad way.
Improving your relationship is like improving anything in life – being able to measure what quality is and what it is not should be one of the first steps. If you can’t measure something, you can’t improve it.