Happiness Is A Choice!

"Happiness is a choice."  This is a line I keep telling my son. Basically he’s a really cool kid with a great sense of humor, when he is so inclined. The trouble is sometimes he can, as we say in my house, fall into the martyr role. When he does, he takes on a “life is so hard” attitude.

The fact is I have been the victim of the Parent’s Curse. I have given birth to a child so much like myself -- only worse. Almost every exasperated parent has placed this curse on their own child at one time: “May you have a child just like you when you are a parent.” I am sure when I was in one of my moody moments; my mother put this curse on me.

And so, umpteen years later, I was blessed with a handsome, intelligent, creative young man, who puts my self confessed moodiness to shame. He can be the happiest child one moment and then one little thing that does not go his way and his whole day is ruined. And it is at these moments that I start the diatribe of platitudes and clichés many parents pull out:

“Do you know how lucky you are?”

“You should be grateful for all that you have!”

“You have two parents who love you, clothes on your back, and a roof over your head…”

“Do you know how many starving children there are in __________?”

And in the midst of this I also remind him that “happiness is a choice” and that he needs to choose to be happy. And guess what? There are countless adults who need to take this advice too. Are you one of them? Hey, I just admitted to you I am moody. And in recognizing this about myself, I also can choose to counteract this behavior and choose to be happy.

If you’ve been here before, you know I believe all of life – especially relationships – are a balancing act between “because of” and “in spite of” and you have to make the choice of how life’s obstacles will impact and effect your attitudes and efforts. This is no less true then when it comes to your happiness. Now don’t get it twisted. I’m not talking about people who are clinically depressed. And I’m not talking about the temporary sadness or anger that we all have a right to from time to time. This is different.

There are some people who just cannot be happy. They relish in the attention they think they are receiving by being habitually miserable and wallowing in self pity. They have so much wonderfulness that they could focus on, but they choose only to see the negative. I have a family member like this. This person does not seem to realize that they would have much better relationships if they would just tone down the negativity and try to be happy in stead of complaining all of the time. Do you know someone like this?

By contrast, I love being around those persons who can be honest about the trials they might be going through, but can see the positive things in their life too. Can you be happy in spite of the fact that your business is not doing as well as you would have hoped? Can you be happy in spite of the fact that you loss your job? Can you be happy in spite of the fact that things are not going as you planned? Of course you can. By choosing to appreciate what you do have that is good.

You can choose to wallow in your temporary misery for a few moments then – as a friend would say – you pull up your big boy britches or your big girl panties, you give yourself an attitude adjustment and you make it your goal to be happy. You make the choice to not remain in “gripe mode” but move to “goal mode” and, if it is within your power to do so, you do something about changing the circumstances.

Every day at the dinner table, I ask my son, “What was the best part of your day and the not so best part of your day?” Through this exercise we develop the habit of communication, but it also helps us illustrate a point.

Throughout any day, you may have countless things happen with you, or for you, or against you. You cannot control everything that happens to you. You can only control how you react or respond to it; how you chose to perceive it. You could have eight hours of wonderful and the last five minutes of terrible and chose to say your day was ruined based on those five minutes. Or you can decide that the best part of your day was those miserable five minutes because they made you appreciate the eight hours even more.

Happiness is a choice. What are you going to choose?


TGIF Everyone!  Have a great weekend!

What do you care about?

It's a simple question that is filled with some not so simple choices, attitudes, relationships and efforts.  Some things are universal. 

We all care for family...whether it is the family we are born to or the family we chose.  Whether we have a good relationship or hope to make it better, our family matters to us.

We care about our health, although our diet and exercise doesn't always show it.  But just wait until our health is failing or we feel our body betrays us.  Then we really care about our health and we start going over in our minds if the choices we made in the past have come back to haunt us.  And isn't it funny, we start thinking more and more about family and our relationships.

We care about wanting to leave a legacy.  Whether it is through our children, our careers, our work to impact our communities, we want our lives to have meant something.  To leave something behind that says "we were here" and that we improved upon the world we found when we were born.

There are so many things we care about.  Yet, some things are universal.  While the words we use are different, the sentiments are the same.

I asked a few folks to tell me and you what they care about.  Do you find your answer among them?  

What do you care about?




NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT ON THIS PLANET THAN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

Dan Seidman
Sales Autopsy, Inc.
Barrington, IL
http://www.salesautopsy.com/




Turning the hurts of yesterday into the dreams of tomorrow.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula
http://www.doctor-ramani.com/




I care about you... because you’re worth caring about.

Chase Brumfield
The Give Project
Lafayette, LA
www.thegiveproject.com/blog



I care about Soldier suicide rates being the highest since the Vietnam war

Daniel Hutchison
Nowhere To Turn
Columbus, OH
http://www.nowheretoturnbook.com/




Forever Families Weekend Haiku


Jewish families


who are Touched by Adoption:


Together at camp!

Debbie Schwartz
Adoption Connection at Jewish Family Services of Greenwich
Greenwich, CT
http://www.njycamps.org/families/html/forever_families.html




Teaching little boys that "REAL MEN DON'T HIT GIRLS"

Bill Donovan
South Suburban Homes
http://www.psghelps.org/






Kids with learning disabilities - teach them how they learn best.

Jill Lauren,LD Specialist and Author
New York City
http://www.jilllauren.com/




Loss teaches pregnant widow to celebrate new husband and children.

Hyla Molander
http://www.dropdeadlife.net/ 



Like a prism, each day is a new perspective

Stacey Krinsky
PIRSSAM
Littleton, CO
http://www.prissam.net/  



I care about helping children succeed in school and life.

Rich Greif, National Executive Director
http://www.everybodywins.org/




Helping people look and feel their best!

April Meese
Customized Beauty Ltd
http://www.aprilmeese.com/



Happiness needs peace, prosperity, liberty, justice and a healthy planet.

Bram Kleppner
Danforth Pewter
Middlebury, VT
http://www.danforthpewter.com/

 


Making practical domestic violence help available to all survivors.
Trudy Schuett
New Perspectives on Partner Abuse
Yuma, AZ
http://partnerabuse.com/




To End Mathaphobia is to End Our US Economic Fate.

Olympia LePoint
http://www.acemath123.com/



What legacy for fowl, fish, beast when humans have ceased?

Francine L. Trevens
Poet
http://www.tntclassicbooks.com/





Dogs, cats, birds, Love, safe, fun, protection, companionship, responsibility, health Dee Finch

Dee Finch
Peoplefood for Dogs
http://www.peoplefood4dogs.com/




Customers, quality, and pride are what make our community great!

Heidi Marzke
WaterField Designs/Square 2
San Francisco, CA
http://www.sfbags.com/




Evolving
Uplifting
Impacting
Inspiring
Heart
Soul
Spirit
Union
Love

Jasmine Kaloudis
Synergy By Jasmine - Yoga for Couples
http://synergybyjasmine.com/



Keeping the elderly young in spirit through interactions with teens.


Philicia Tan
GG Correspondent
GlamourGals Foundation
Commack, NY
http://www.glamourgals.org/




Writing's more than my livelihood: it's my lifeblood, raison d'tre

Cynthia MacGregor
freelance writer
http://www.cynthiamacgregor.com/




Emotions cause all disease. People need to know to heal.

Terri Jay
http://www.terrijay.com/




I care about preventing child abuse--it's a grown up problem.

Jen Floro
Emerald Coast Children’s Advocacy Center
Niceville, FL
http://www.eccac.org/






Bryce, Maggie, Zivah, Josh, my extended family, writing, and music.

Holly Chessman
http://www.hollychessmanmarketing.com/





LIVING MY LIFE LIKE AN ADVENTURE

Scott Gabriel Hummel
Gabriel Hummel International
http://www.GabrielHummel.com/




Empowering consumers with information to avoid home remodeling nightmares.

Jody Costello
[Pre]modeling Authority / Consumer Advocate
http://www.contractorsfromhell.com/




Family
Faith
Freedom
Friendship
French Fries
(Not necessarily in this order!)    :)

Shayla C. Perry
Just Per(ry)fect!
http://www.justperryfect.com/




Tell about what I do care?
I would not dare.

Pablo Solomon
Artist & Designer
http://www.pablosolomon.com/





Intentional selection of entertainment as a tool to reinforce desires.

Rosemarie Ashley
a 'tude vox for Transformation
http://www.sassyalternativemusic.com/





Health


Family


Friends


Career


Finances


Home


Personal Development


Having Fun

Daniel Slattery
Health Ed Dimensions International
http://www.initiativesforlife.com/  




That everything I do makes the world a better place.

Arash Sayadi
http://www.iengineer.net/




RAISING MY CHILDREN TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND TO BE SOCIETAL ASSETS.

Jennifer Vanderslice
MoonGlow PR
http://www.moonglowpr.com/





I care about empowering families

Susan Tordella
Raising Able
http://www.susantordella.com/





My mother’s happiness while she battles Lou Gehrig's disease.

Etta Wilson
C My Skin
http://www.cmyskin.com/





Improving people’s lives by teaching meditation, dream interpretation, and concentration.

Laurel Clark
School of Metaphysics
Windyville, MO
http://www.som.org/




I CARE ABOUT REGAINING MY SANITY, STOLEN IN 2004

Shirley
http://www.proorganizer.com/




Sparking a national grassroots school reform movement to empower communities!

Jacqueline Edelberg
How to Walk to School
Chicago, IL
http://www.howtowalktoschool.com/




Do what makes you truly happy.
Everything else will follow.

Kevin Kato
http://www.kevinkato.com/





Help me God I find it so hard to feel.


Ellen Pober Rittberg
"35 Things Your Teen Won’t Tell You So I Will"
http://www.ellenpoberrittberg.com/



Listen, Compassion, Connection, Kindness, Support, Reducing pain and Suffering, Making a difference.

Ronald Stram, MD
The Center for Integrative Health and Healing
Delmar, NY
http://www.cihh.net/




Families learning to live life after death of a child.

Kara L.C. Jones
Grief & Creativity Coach,
http://www.motherhenna.com/ 





Emotional synch


With family, nature, self


My entire world.

Cyndi Pauwels
Spring Valley, OH
http://cpatlarge.blogspot.com/ 





Literacy care: Winged words nest in an open heart


Tom Bentley
Writing and Editing Services
http://www.tombentley.com/




A world with love, compassion, healing along with full accountability.

Michelle Fryer
T.O.O.B. LLC
http://thinkoutofbox.com/ 




Heart grieves; eyes weep for oil-covered birds and beasts.

Judith Lawrence
Author
http://www.judithlawrence.ca/





The Pure Joy of Relationships That Knew Me When

Sharon Gilchrest ONeill, Ed.S., LMFT
Psychotherapist/Author
http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com/





Family, Friends, and FunCapturing Joy on the RunONE

Annie Burnside, M.Ed.,
Soul nurturer, author, public speaker and teacher
http://www.annieburnside.com/





Love and possibility - the magic in everyday life.

Pat Chiappa
Author
http://www.planyourbestyear.com/



What do you care about?  Add yours to our list.

More talk about Chinese Foods...

My previous post about regional foods made me think about a great talk from one of my favorite sites, TED.com