Macolm Gladwell on Spaghetti Sauce: A Culinary Story of Choices and Happiness

Here is an interesting video from TED.  It is author Malcolm Gladwell talking about of all things....spaghetti sauce.  More to the point, he is talking about how choices impact our consumerism and vice versa.

Interview with Ronald Kaufman of Anatomy of Success

I had the pleasure of speaking to author and trainer, Ronald Kaufman about How to Get and Stay Motivated and End Procrastination! 

How appropriate for a Monday morning.  If you are like me you already have a weekly "to do" list that seems to have more items than there are hours in the week.  Well, it's like that old joke, "How do you eat an elephant?"  Answer:
"One bite at a time."

I hope you enjoy the talk, and have a productive week!

For more information about Ron and his book.  Visit his site at http://www.anatomyofsuccess.com/

The Family Dinner

When I got married, we were a blended family. I got a bonus daughter along with a husband. I have a friend who doesn’t like the term blended family, but I don’t have a problem with it. It is rather an apropos word I think, because we had to learn to blend so many ways of doing things. For us, one of the more challenging subjects was the family dinner.

Now I must admit, in this case, when I say blend, what I really mean is I had to get my new husband and daughter to convert to my way of thinking. Many a time I ended up sitting at the dinner table by myself, because they had gobbled down their food and just got up and left me. Or in the middle of dinner one of them would get up to answer the phone. That just wasn’t how I was raised. In my house we had dinner together most nights and it was as much a family ritual as it was a routine.

Even though my father had many evening meetings with clients, he did most of the cooking and we all had dinner together prior to his going out. You did not leave the table until everyone was finished and dinner time was an opportunity to catch up with everyone, laugh, debate and communicate. Sunday dinners were an event. We usually had friends or relatives over for a big Sunday meal after church.

When we were old enough to get chores, each of us kids would do our job cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. As my father used to say, “Why do I need to buy a dishwasher? I have three.” Whoever washed the dishes cleaned the stove, counters and kitchen table. Whoever dried took out the trash to the garage and swept the floor. There was a system. If you were washing, it made sense for you to wash everything down; you already had the wet cloth. If you were drying, it made sense for you to sweep the floor; you were the last one in the room and could sweep without people in your way.

It wasn’t until I visited other people’s homes or we had friends over that I realized, yet again, we were different. I can remember one particular Sunday dinner. We were in the dining room having a wonderful meal and conversation and one of my sister’s friends from middle school was there. Without a word, when she was finished eating, she got up from the table walked out of the room, through the kitchen into the den, sat down on the couch and turned on the television. For a few seconds we all just looked at each other in silent astonishment.

I never investigated her rational for just up and leaving the dinner table, but I suspect that in her household, family dinners were not commonplace. Dinner time might have been more of a solitary event and not a time for family bonding. Maybe she was used to eating in front of the television and she was looking to get back to the familiar.

Fast forward through more years and more living experiences, I am again and again reminded of how to many, the concept of the Family Dinner it not commonplace, but something that is relegated to Thanksgiving or one of the major religious holidays. Yet, I’m here to tell you, there is more to the family dinner than just food. If it’s been awhile since you put forth the effort to make it happen for your family, now’s the time.

Take Back the Family Dinner

“It’s time to take back dinner. Put it on the front burner (pun intended) and basically stop over-scheduling your kids and start scheduling mealtimes together. We multi-taskers somehow manage to meet our work deadlines and get to our kid's baseball games on time, so why can't we actively work hard to plan our weekly meals?” says, Jeanne Muchnick, author of the new book, Dinner for Busy Moms.

Muchinick is not alone in her call to take back the family dinner. Even major brands have incorporated it into their marketing campaigns to get families together…hopefully over a serving of their product. For more than a decade there have been various calls to action by children and family advocacy groups.

The good news is, for some, there was no need to make the call. It was a part of life for Parenting and Life Coach, Barbara Desmarais. “I grew up having family dinners every night. It was the norm and when I raised my own children, it was also the norm.” For Jessie Nagel, it was so much a part of her life that it never occurred to her that not every family ate dinner together. “You might think it crazy, but I was truly surprised to learn as an adult that many families do not eat together. I was raised in a family that ate dinner together every night, with rare exception, and also enjoyed food as the center for many forms of socialization,” says the Hype, Special Agent.

For Ms. Desmarais, coming to the realization that not every family ate dinner together was a long time coming. “When my children entered high school it was the first time I found out that what we were doing was not the norm for everyone. In fact my kids felt very inconvenienced when they had to come home for dinner at a certain time and most of their friends were just eating what was in the fridge and at no set time. It saddened me that this was now a fact of life.

But if you have a protesting teenager, don’t let it get to you. You have to think long term. “Everyone benefits from family dinners. Even if a teenager complains, she or he benefits from a sense of belonging to the family group. As soon as children are old enough, they grow in self-esteem and character by taking on some responsibilities associated with the family dinner. Even a small child feels a sense of pride by performing as simple a task as placing a napkin at each place setting,” says Psychotherapist, Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW.

Research

“Research supports that families who have dinner together several times a week have less substance abuse, better body image, do better in school,” states Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Clinical Director of Wasatch Family Therapy, Julie Hanks.

So is it that families who eat together already had the benefit of strong parenting skills and higher levels of communication? I say, in part, Who cares! If this is one of those chicken and the egg kind of scenarios and you are one of those families that are not having the family dinner on a regular basis…then start!

Maybe that will start positively impacting other family dynamics. Unless eating your mother or father’s cooking could literally be a danger to your health, only good can come from having dinner together. So order Chinese and still set the table for a family meal.

Do’s and Don’ts of Family Dinner

The family dinner table it a great time for teaching and learning, but parents still have to work at doling out those life lessons with moderation and tact. “There is so much to gain by the family dinner as long as certain ground rules are created by the family. Negotiating the ground rules and practicing them is enormously helpful in teaching children responsible behavior and in enhancing their social skills. An example would be how do we make sure everyone who wants to speak is heard without interrupting another family member. In discussion, parents can teach and model the practices necessary for good communication - seek to understand before being understood, no shaming or insulting,” says Parenting Coach Dr. Richard Horowitz.

Some of the ground rules, or do’s and don’ts of the family dinner table include respecting differences and agreeing on what will and will not be discussed. “It is important that parents do not use this mealtime to either interrogate the kids (Did you pass your test? Did you behave yourself at daycare? etc) or harangue them”, says Kathy Lynn of Parenting Today Canada.

Berger agrees. She says, “Make it a general rule for the conversation [to be] pleasant while eating. Doing so encourages healthy bonding among family members as well as good digestion. The more difficult topics and disciplinary matters can be addressed at other times. During the meal, everyone can be encouraged to share their feelings about whatever is on their mind and about how their day went.”

Raising Healthy Eaters

If you take a look at the average grade school child, you realize that we are in the midst of a childhood obesity epidemic. Even the first lady has picked up the mantle of helping our society make better choices for our children. One of those healthy choices is having more nutritious family dinners. It is at the dinner table that parents help establish a child’s relationship with food and good eating habits.

Many of us grew up being told to “clean our plates” and “not waste food”. It is at the dinner table that we either succeed or fail at helping our children learn about portion control and stopping when we are full. “At the meal table, children take important cues about healthful eating from their parents and witness what a nutritious, well-rounded meal looks like,” says Registered Dietitian, Christen Cooper. Likewise, they learn the balance between not wasting food and not encouraging over eating.

According to Nancy Piho, the author of My Two-Year-Old Eats Octopus: Raising Children Who Love to Eat Everything, “Eating together as a family is vitally important in starting young kids off on the right foot of being healthful, adventuresome eaters!”

Many nutritionists and pediatricians will tell you, it can take up to 10 or 11 exposures to a food before a child will decide they like it. In many a household, including mine, parents have instituted the “No Thank You Bite” rule. Basically, it means you don’t have to eat a lot of something new, but you at least have to try it. Then you can say no thank you. It took my son about four or five “no thank you bites” before he learned to love his favorite fruit…kiwi.

As children get older, the ritual of the family dinner can be expanded to include the children in the preparation. Janet Max relishes that fact that she and her teenage daughters have made dinners together an event, one where her daughters are beginning to flex their culinary skills. Her oldest, Tasha “likes to cook, so she helps prepare meals a lot, even makes some on her own. Lately both my daughters have an obsession with sautéed onions. It’s hilarious. Tasha will cook up a whole pan full and they will fight over them.”

Encouraging children to be a part of the planning and making of the meal not only helps their self esteem, but also prepares them for a more self sufficient future.

Family Dinner as Backdrop of Family Dynamics

For so many families, the significance of Sunday (or Sabbath) dinner was magnified exponentially when interplayed with other family characteristics. When Judy Woodward Bates was very young family meals were not just about the food, it was a social event that cemented familial relationships. “My parents would always take me and my sister to a huge Sunday dinner gathering at my dad's parents’. Since I was number 34 of the 34 grandchildren and my dad was the youngest son, my grandparents were in their late 60's when I was born. Their health declined rapidly and these fun times ended by the time I was 7, but I'll never forget the organized chaos of those Sunday afternoons.

The kids were ordered to stay outside and play until the grownups had eaten and play we did! I don't think Big Mama (my grandmother) ever sat down - she was like a bustling whirlwind - running between the kitchen and dining room with mounds of fried chicken, homemade "catheads" (as my Papa called her huge fluffy biscuits) and cornbread; baked sweet potatoes; fresh field peas; sliced tomatoes and onions; and gallons of sweet tea. All that was generally followed by cutting a watermelon (and the subsequent seed-spitting contests among the grandkids) and churning homemade ice cream, with all us grandkids vying for a chance to be the one who sat on the ice cream maker while one of the men cranked it.

For Claire DeRosa, the truth of her internal family drama that was happening around the dinner table was not clear at first glance. "I grew up in a family of six. Our household included my parents, grandmother, sister and brother. We did not have much of anything. My father ate before any of us and my mother would serve him. When he was finished we would then have our dinner. My mother never sat down with us to eat. When we were finished she would then scrape the plates into hers and then eat. My mother passed away when I was 15 years old. Now years later I realize she never sat down with us because there wasnt enough food. As kids it never entered our mind what the true picture of this dinner drama was in reality."

My Blended Family

In my family, even after ten years, we are still in a continuous game of negotiation around the dinner table. My husband still eats faster than the rest of us. Now my son is the slow poke of the table, far surpassing my slow pace in the family. And my bonus daughter, who is now in college, seems to have the most challenge with the no phone rule. But just recently, after a few subtle and not so subtle hints, she left her cell phone in another room. And when I could hear the tell tale pings of her text message alerts and she didn’t rush to go pick it up, I said thank you. My son asked what I was thanking her for. I simply said, “She knows”, and smiled.

Next up...teaching her how to cook.

Who's Your Person?

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
                                                           - John Lennon


On one of my favorite t.v. shows, Greys Anatomy, there is a recurring "bit" involving Christina and Meredith. As Christina once said to her boyfriend, Dr. Burke, "She's my person. If I murdered someone she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor."




Most of us, if we are lucky, have at least one "person".  That one friend or family member who we can always talk to.  The one who we know won't judge us (unless we need it).  The one who our life events "are not real" until we tell them.

For me, that person is my sister. As I sit here typing, I find myself getting verklempt at the thought. If we had a theme song, for me it would be Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans' "Count on Me". Most of the time we think similarly, but when we disagree, we can debate and then agree to disagree.

First and foremost, we can always count on each other.



A few folks were nice enough to share with me and you who their person is -- what this relationship means to them. I hope you will listen to Whitney and Cece as you read their stories and think about your person. Then call your person and tell them that you love them.

Nadine



My person is someone I've literally known my entire life. Our parents were all college students together and we were put in the same crib during their weekly bridge games. We've seen her parents’ divorce, both remarry. We've been on vacations together. We confided in each other during our teenage years, became roommates in college--which didn't work out so great, but it didn't destroy our friendship. I was in her wedding as a bridesmaid and soloist. We drifted apart for a few years. Life simply took us in different directions, but we'd always seem to reconnect. We're both mommies now, helping each other through the landmines of parenting and giving each other pats on the back when needed. She's someone I can call and say, "I need to hear I'm not going crazy for having to listen to pre-school DVD's and shows for my 4 year old". She calls and asks me if she's doing the right thing when it comes to her 12 year old son, who she's raising as a single mom. Even with her living 3000 miles away, our friendship is as strong as ever and I have no doubt, will literally last our lifetimes.
Patricia Walters-Fischer
Founder Smart Cookie Parents
www.smartcookieparents.com


Let me tell you about "my person" -- Tara. She is a military spouse like me, and military spouses call their "persons" their "battle buddies." Tara and I have been through deployments, started a business together, and we've weathered/are weathering the life of an Army Wife and mother of Army brats. We're like the real-life Army Wives and like Meredith and Christina, we've had good days and bad days, but ultimately we hug it out and are better for the experiences we've had. We've been battle buddies for about 5 years now. Because she doesn't judge me and I try not to judge her, we should be set for another 5+ years of this Army Wife Life together. I look forward to being a retired military spouse with her some day, talking about the good old days, mentoring the young-uns, and being forever grateful we had each other to see it through.
Starlett Henderson
Army Wife Network
www.armywifenetwork.com


[My person] would be there no matter what. She is the person I trust even more then my husband. We talked about the trust we have with each other and support. We both agreed if something went wrong, we would call each other before our husbands. We have been friends for over twenty years. I think 23 to be exact. I can tell her anything. As a friend who is really more than a friend, she is like a sister. I can tell her anything, but I have to expect her response will be true and honest. The same goes for me.
Diane Lang
Health & Wellness Counselor
www.dlcounseling.com


I am so fortunate to have some amazing friends in my life, so I have quite a few who I could count on and lean on. That said, the person I would call first most of the time is my friend, Ann. She is the most open, caring, non-judgmental, supportive and amazing friend in the world and has been there for me in ways big and small for over a decade. When my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me with 22 women, she was there, offering to pay for therapy because I couldn’t afford it (meanwhile she was dealing with her own boyfriend drama). When I could not get to her wedding due to a job loss, she forgave me for having to back out of being a bridesmaid two months before the wedding (which I still feel horrible about). When I have good news, she’s the one I want to share it with first and mostly, she’s someone I think about often and take an active interest in her life and her happiness. I feel so blessed to have her in my life and learn something from her every time we talk--best of all; our conversations are like little vacations--always a gift.
Brenda Della Casa
Author/Columnist/Dating Coach
www.CinderellaWasaLiar.com



My husband is [my] person. We met when we were sixteen, dated for two years of high school, dated other people throughout college, studying abroad, and graduate school, but always got back together vacations and summers. We ran up huge phone bills before the day of texting and instant messaging. We are now in our early 40's, moved 1800 miles away from our immediate families, and often have days where we don't have time for anything other than exchanging information about kids or schedules. But when we do have time together we have so much to discuss. We remind each other to see the humor and levity in situations which might not have seemed so funny at the time --work conflicts, children conflicts, moral dilemmas, etc. We know from where and whom each other came, and have basically grown up together with each others' friends. I feel very lucky and worry about the day that one of us is not there for the other one.
Julie Arnheim
www.Rubbingnickels.com



My "Person" is relatively new in my life, in the grand scheme of things. We have known each other for many years but grew closer after working together on some Fraternity alumni issues. After a particularly grueling year, we ended up falling into a night of deep discussion where we truly "found" each other. He has since become my partner as an artist and entrepreneur. His name is Chris. I can safely say that I connect with my friend and collaborator on a level that I have never be able to connect with anyone in my entire life. We see the world in much the same way. A great deal of our time is spent discussing “what’s the next big thing”, analyzing human nature and feeling some level of pity for the masses who still live in "the box." We see the world the same way because we don’t care about owning homes, wealth or popularity but we see these things as simply tools to do good works.
Mr. Arash
MrArash.BlogSpot.com


That would be my cousin Suzi. We're more like sisters, which is weird because she has two sisters of her own.   I, on the other hand, am an only child, so it is nice to have her as my go-to-gal for things in my life and vice versa.  Suzi and I have been hanging out together, sharing lunches, shopping, drama, trauma and everything in between for probably about 17 years now. She's my person because she can call me on my BS if necessary and I know if she does I need it. She tells me to apply anyway for that job that seems like it's too big for me because she has faith in my skills. She also is there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on.
Angela Watson
www.TheBlueMoon.org



I met my person, Anna in 2002 when she joined the sorority I was in. Since then we have been close friends. In August of 2004 I moved to California and since then we talk every night. She is the one person I can tell anything to and I know will always have my back. We also have similar martial and divorce experiences. She is the one person who won’t judge me when I tell her something crazy I did. She is also there when I need a good kick in the butt.
LJ Maggie
http://ljmaggie.wordpress.com



My person is my friend Kathryn. We go through thick and thin together and whatever it is, I can always tell her. She helps me build my business. She is there when one of my critters dies. She is always there for me! We have known each other about 10 years now. [We] live only a few minutes from each other’s houses. [We] are family to each other’s family. And I have no doubt; she would help me move that body!
Dee Finch
www.Peoplefood4Dogs.com

Take Two Pictures and Call Me In the Morning

Scientists at the University of British Columbia have conducted research that supports the theory that looking at pictures of sick people can actually help you not get sick yourself.

Basically, it is part of the research that shows dealing with stressful events can actually trigger ones immune system. In this case though, it's not just any stressful event. They compared the impact of looking at a sick person against looking at a person with a gun pointing directly at you. Sick person had a greater impact on triggering ones immune system.


Check out the Psychology Today article that delves into the experiment.

So my question is this...when are scientists going to find the pictures that help boost your metabolism? Is there a conspiracy afoot? Are the diet supplement and weight loss industries suppressing this research in fears it will cut into their lucrative market?

Don't worry about going to the gym ladies and gentlemen! Just look at two pictures of obese men and women a day for a week and you'll shed two pounds!

Hey, a girl can dream can't she?